I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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