The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
