she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
