I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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