all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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