I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
