Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
