I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
