i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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