You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
