Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
