I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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