well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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