I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
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Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
And then he peed in my hair
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