somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
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i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
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I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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