I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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