Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
