i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
