I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
