I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
