I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
