u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
