My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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