We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
