i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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