Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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