Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
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I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
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body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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