could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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