The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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