Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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