i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
