I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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