I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
