check it out our google latitudes are spooning
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
