Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
