she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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