So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
only if we run a train.
done.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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