Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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