i just had sex bonerless
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
