what day is it and did you see me today?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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