i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
honey bunches of taint.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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