this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
please don't ironically join a cult
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