He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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