I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
