The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
