Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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