I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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