Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Randomize
