some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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