its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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