how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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