i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
