Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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