i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
