i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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