To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Can I color on your dick again?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Randomize
