I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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