so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
