we have officially mastered the walk of shame
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
