Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
