I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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