I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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