i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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