She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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