I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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