trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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