I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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