turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
