You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
