absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
what day is it and did you see me today?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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