I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
