well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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