and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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