I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
