shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
