Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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